I have now developed a formula for writing an Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter novel. First, come up with a supernatural crime. Next, come up with a supernatural political conflict. These may be but are not required to be intertwined. Next, write an opening chapter in which something related to Anita’s job as a zombie animator occurs. Be sure to include enough detail to seem interesting at the time, but not enough that it will be possible to remember what happened 400 pages later, because you’re certainly not going to reference the scene again for at least that long, and you want the sudden reintroduction of that dangling plothook to come as a total surprise when you get around to it. Okay, now that that’s out of the way, time to introduce the crime or politics in whatever order you prefer. As this is a latter-day Anita Blake story, you’ll also want to use these first hundred or so pages to include sexual activity; it may be angsty, but need not be as long as some sex somewhere within the story is. Now, in alternating intensity, the politics will overwhelm the crime and then the crime will overwhelm the politics, pushing Anita closer and closer to her mental, emotional, and often physical limits so that she’s tightly enough wound to snap in a satisfying way by the climax (heh) of the story. Also, be sure to reference how little sleep she is getting a few times. Bonus points if she takes comfort from her stuffed penguin. (Not like that! What’s wrong with you?!)

This is going pretty well. Be sure to have a couple of more sex scenes in this section. After all, it’s a mystical compulsion and now it’s possible to keep the fans from thinking she’s slutty, even if Anita does. (In fact, having her feel that way makes her all the more endearing; after all, it’s not her fault, right?) Time to wrap things up with a display of power and / or ingenuity from our heroine as well as a dramatic reveal that the information in the first chapter (remember that?) was intricately tied up with the supernatural crimes (and maybe with the political part as well, if you’re feeling especially bold). Close with a short taking-stock chapter in which Anita will reflect on how pretty much every major character in the book is miserable, but she hopes that they will improve with time. The end!

You would think, after the excrementality of Narcissus in Chains, that I would not have started another one of these so soon. (Or at all, you say? Ha. I have no choice in these matters. No choice!) And I probably would not have, but when I have just finished a book and am about to be on a plane, I find that I choose ease of use above other deciding factors. Thusly, Cerulean Sins. Which, thankfully, was far better than its predecessor. Sure, there are verbal tics that annoy me, but I’ve resigned myself to that. Sure, Anita keeps ratcheting up the bad-ass factor, but it’s that kind of series, so, fine, whatever. The important parts are that the sex stuff has ebbed back down to levels that are not actually reasonable but feel like they are by comparison and that the plot elements were paced appropriately and were interwoven well. Also, apparently our author is taking a longer view of the series now, because that mysterious dropped first chapter element stayed mostly dropped by the end of the book. Not in a way that indicates bad writing, even, just a lot moreso than I would have expected or which has ever occurred previously in the series.