Monthly Archives: June 2026

The Fall of the Readers

I have read a four book series to my (at the time[1]) five year old son. I’m not saying he saw every plot twist coming[2], but he is absolutely capable of focusing on the story and retaining information between books. I’ve been considering The Hobbit, although Mary says he’s too young for chapter five.

Anyway, The Fall of the Readers marks the end of Alice’s journey from orphaned apprentice to… well, to whatever she is destined to be, right? Can’t very well give away the farm right at the end, can I? But the point is, she has done three or four impossible things before breakfast, and it’s time to take the fight to the Readers[3] themselves. This will probably involve puzzles and mazes and friendship, like usual, you know?  And also like sacrifice, if the last couple of books are any measure.

And that’s only part one…

I declare myself satisfied with this series. It did not end the way I expected, it had a major reveal that I also did not expect, and it was worlds more my speed than a lot of the books that I read to him. I mean, I also wanted to know how things turned out! …as opposed to already knowing is most of what I mean, but also as opposed to not really caring.

[1] (As of today, he is six, you see)
[2] To be fair, I’m not saying I did, either
[3] If you know, you know. If you don’t know, well, it’s right there in the title. You can’t exactly pretend to surprise.

Malignant (2021)

I swear I’mma watch a semi-generic action movie soon. I even have one in mind! If I can just get to a stretch of more than zero movies in a row on the horror podcast that I have actually seen before. Well, it didn’t happen yet though.

Malignant is “split” for the scare and “dumb” for the style. I will say that I understand why people would have called this movie dumb, but it honestly kind of worked? Maybe better if I hadn’t pre-known the genre categories they were aiming for, but if I’m being real, I’d kind of forgotten / zoned it out by the time I actually watched.

To business! See, there’s this pregnant lady and she has had a lot of miscarriages, apparently because her boyfriend is down to just shove her into a wall so hard the back of her head caves in the drywall. But that’s okay, because a shadowy mysterious figure obliterates him later that night. And now Madison and her sister are in a race against time and the ever more suspicious police to figure out who the figure is, why she keeps having visions of his murders, what he has to do with the fact that Madison is adopted and remembers nothing of her childhood before that, and what all of this has to do with the psychiatric hospital in the first prequel scene where things were not really going well for the staff.

Were there dumb character decisions? Unquestionably. Who breaks into an abandoned hospital in the middle of the night to look for old files and just assumes everything will turn out fine? …okay, besides me. I would absolutely do that. But who else? This is not survival behavior! Was some of the plotting dumb? Here I mean plotting around certain emergences and especially certain retractions, about which I should not say more. But the special effects were cool and it did undo a previous massive plot hole.

My point is, I’ll forgive a lot when a movie can keep you guessing for a little while and is also, if not scary, at least pretty horrifying to boot. I’m not sure how I missed this one, to be honest. I think when it came out I mentally classified it as part of the Conjuring cinematic universe and then completely tuned it out. I now deem this to have been a mistake, but 5 years late is better than usual, to be honest? Still, I hope they do not make a sequel. It’s a complete story! Let it be, y’all.

Honogurai mizu no soko kara

I was so excited to see a movie in the upcoming list for my podcast that I had actually seen before. It’s been so long in a row that I’m kind of losing confidence in whether I’ve ever seen any horror movies. Then I got to the point last episode where they were doing the randomizing, and, you know what, aquatic scare, based on a book style? Yeah, that tracks. But then they did something that was incredibly obvious in retrospect but which I never saw coming. They picked the original Japanese version of Dark Water. Why wouldn’t they, unless the style was specifically “remake” or something?

Like I said, I’ve “seen” this movie, so there wasn’t a lot I needed to figure out about the plot. What details I had forgotten were non-critical, for sure. Thus, I was mostly watching for character beats. In the cast, we have: one kindergarten aged child, with no agency; one kindergarten aged ghost, with minimal agency; one ex-husband, who exists only to be an antagonist; one lawyer, who exists only to be a white knight; a handful of apartment employees, who use their agency to avoid taking responsibility for anything that’s happening; and one mother, who abrogates her agency whenever possible. Indeed, the pivotal moment of the story is her finally deciding to take an action, instead of being acted upon. (And even then, I could make a pretty compelling argument that she had no meaningful options open to her in said pivotal moment.)

If it sounds like I’m unimpressed, well, I am. But not with the acting or the plot, just with how the writing was on such hardened rails that all I could do was be annoyed with people for not making choices or with the story for not giving them any. Said story, at its bones, was this: an ex-wife is fighting for custody of her daughter against a father who never showed any interest until now, and he’s playing dirty tricks. So all her money is tied up in white knight lawyers, which means she has to get a pretty bad apartment. Like, water damage on the ceiling, cloudy water in the faucets, half the residences are empty, even the floors in some cases. And also there’s a spooky kid’s bag that keeps showing up in her daughter’s possessions, and missing child posters from years ago. And then it gets creepier.

Mood, mystery, I already mentioned acting, these were all fine. And I already complained about how few of the people who felt like real characters were also characters who could (or would) take actions. So I guess that’s the movie. All things considered, I think I liked the Jennifer Connelly version more. But, I would, wouldn’t I?

Update: I just learned from Google Translate that the name of the movie on the poster above is From the Dimly Lit Depths of the Water, and that’s just an all around better title. (I mean, unless you need to market it to American audiences as a horror movie, maybe.) So there is one thing I like better about the original, after all!

Star Wars: Outlaws

Star Wars: Outlaws is basically like if you took the serious parts of modern Grand Theft Auto games, and instead of ratcheting them up to 15[1], you replace the main character with someone likeable, who doesn’t just go around murdering anyone who gets in the way, and also the setting is, you know, familiar.

It’s like this. You are Kay Vess, a mostly orphaned thief and slicer who lives in Canto Bight[2] along with her pet… whatever he is, Nix, during the years around the height of the civil war between the Empire and the growing Rebel Alliance. After a medium-sized tutorial section in which you learn how to bet on fixed horse races, pick pockets, and climb around, you are asked to join a heist of the vault of a rich local crimelord. Only, things go sideways, and before you know it, you’re on the run, trying to clear a pretty astonishing bounty from your head, and learning how to freelance in a world galaxy full of criminal syndicates, not to mention the Empire and those pesky rebels.

I did not find everything, despite my best efforts. That said, I think I could pretty easily find everything? With a walkthrough, I mean. Because the stuff I’m missing is clearly identified. It wouldn’t be like finding all the damn koroks, for instance. But there’s really a lot to do. In addition to the main quest and various side quests, both to work with syndicates and to find people who will train you to unlock special powers, there’s lots of driving around on speeders, lots of flying around in space, lots of sneaking around in armed fortresses, lots of shootouts with bad guys, lots of Kay refusing to do anything unless there’s a paycheck in it for her, and even the most adorable mini games you’ve ever seen in which Kay and Nix eat dinner at various street cafes on various worlds.

I cannot imagine anyone ever having enjoyed an open world sandbox game about crime and not enjoying this open world sandbox game about crime, is I guess my bottom line.

Well. Unless you play open world sandbox games about crime because you really deeply identify with criminals in your actual life and wish more games would let you shoot prostitutes to retrieve your money that you spent on them a few minutes ago, I guess. I am sadly certain that demographic exists.

But if you’re anyone else, see above. And I haven’t even mentioned the part where this is maybe the best treatment of how droids exist in a galaxy far far away. Definitely top three.

[1] on a scale of 10, natch. (Here I am describing Saints Row)
[2] which you will not recognize as the casino city from The Last Jedi

The Innocents (1961)

I have a better than usual reason for not remembering the podcast categories, I mean aside from how I watched the movie days ago and have not yet reviewed it. See, their style was 1960s, okay, sure, but their scare was wildcard, which functionally means “pick a horror movie from the 1960s.” And they did!, but you can see why that would be hard to explicitly remember.

Anyway, the movie they settled on (from a group of 6 and then selected randomly) was The Innocents, a Victorian era ghost story[1] based we think on Henry Miller’s The Turn of the Screw, a book I nearly read once. I wonder if in 1961 a movie with a Victorian setting would have been considered a period piece, or if that bit of genre definition did not yet exist.

A nanny, or “governess” as the British would have us believe, is hired to nannify two orphaned children on a massive English estate off in the countryside, because the uncle who inherited them has no interest in children. So off she goes, to find a mostly empty house except for the cook and the maid and the daughter and, before long, the son. Only, there are weird sounds and musics and people up on the tower who shouldn’t be there, and before long the nanny thinks there might be ghosts around.

And then before much longer than that, she thinks the children might be possessed. And then, it’s time for a spoiler cut, because stopping here would be extremely unsatisfying for me, but reading further could potentially be unsatisfying for you.

[1] maybe?

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