Author Archives: Chris

Veronica Mars

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MV5BMTQ4MDc0Mjg4OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwODk3NjYyMTE@._V1__SX1217_SY911_I don’t even know how to review this movie properly. Which is to say, outside the context of a three season television series that you may not have seen before. Inside that context, it would be a breeze, believe me. But outside, there are two giant stumbling blocks in my way. One is how immediately immersed I was in the world, just as though I’d never left, without any of the pesky (albeit brilliantly accomplished) ten minutes of introduction to all the characters you wouldn’t know about if you’d missed the show in the first place. This lack, in addition to highlighting my lack of objectivity, serves to introduce the second stumbling block, which is that I spent a minor chunk of change on the kickstarter for the movie. Having been funded by fans, there’s a really good chance that it’s not my failure to separate out my sense of homecoming and look at it externally that’s the problem. They know where their money came from and who their primary audience would be, and I think maybe it’s not concerned with newcomers in the first place. So, I’ll give up on that angle and move on.

Do you even know they made a Veronica Mars movie? Fan or not, if you missed the kickstarter, it may have slid under the radar. Anyway, it released last weekend, and you can theater it or stream it. (I think I get a bluray eventually?  But it was streaming in this case, as I live in ye olde future.) If you are not a fan of the show through inaction, you’ll get a lot more out of the show than the movie, at least until later. If you are not a fan of the show through choice, you sadden me. If you are a fan of the show… here’s that really easy review I promised you a while ago.

You know how I said it immediately felt like a homecoming? That was not a clever riff on the fact that one of Veronica’s reasons for returning to Neptune is her ten-year high school reunion. (The main reason being, of course, a murder.) Because, really, it felt like no time had passed at all since the last episode I watched. And okay, not remembering much of what happens in either of the latter two seasons meant I was playing a little bit of catch-up, but not much, and not in a way that took me out of the joy of coming home. By the end of the movie, I was ready for a new season or a new movie either one, and pleased as I could be that the door is wide open for that. So: you should really go see this movie, or stay home and see this movie, or whatever it takes to convince them to do it again soon. If not for yourself, do it for me. Aw, who am I kidding, seriously, do it for me, and I’ll hope in turn that you enjoyed yourself while doing it.

Because I am a good person.

Non-Stop (2014)

MV5BOTI3NzcxMjkzMl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMDY0NTQ0MDE@._V1__SX1217_SY911_Liam Neeson made another action movie. I could say something pithy about that being enough information for you to decide whether to see this one, but since I never even saw Taken 2, it feels disingenuous. Okay then.

I guess the most important thing to say is that Non-Stop never tries to be a good movie. Here’s the example that immediately leapt out at me. After being refused a drink that would have been at least his third of the morning by the stewardess with whom he clearly has some kind of past and receiving unauthorized and also extortionate texts from a mysterious figure who could be anybody at all but probably isn’t air marshal Liam Neeson himself or the redhead sleeping next to him, and who promises to kill a passenger every twenty minutes if his demands are not meant, Neeson pulls out his watch as instructed to set a 20 minute timer, so he will know the mysterious figure is serious. He looks at the time on the watch, clicks a single button on the side, and boom, instant 20 minute countdown timer. From one button on a wristwatch. Because that’s plausible.

Like I said. They’re not aspiring to good. What they are aspiring to, and succeed at, is tension. If you didn’t spend at least a minute suspecting each passenger on the plane, you were not watching the same movie I was.  Here I include the other air marshal, the pilots, the stewardesses, and the obligatory passenger of Arabic descent. (Well, okay, I lie. I actually didn’t suspect him, because come on. I’m never clear on whether the exception that proves the rule is a real thing, or something people say when they didn’t expect there to be an exception and were caught off-guard. But this is definitely one of those two situations.)

Anyway, long story short: sure, it wasn’t a Good Movie. But I’ve watched Good Movies that were bigger wastes of time, and it’s still the time of year when pickings are slim, so hey. Which reminds me, does anyone know if Taken 2 was any good?

The Unwritten: Leviathan

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11142767The irony of staring at a blank screen, trying to figure out what to say about the current volume of The Unwritten, it has not escaped me. Here’s where I’m stuck. The story, in which Tom Taylor is exercising his new-found powers over the world and the literary realms[1], was definitely lively enough to keep me interested throughout. The problem is, having reached the end and nodding along wisely as he explicates his own conclusions on the topic and re-dedicates himself to the fight those powers are meant to help him with…

Well, the problem is, I don’t really yet have any idea what either he or his opposition want to accomplish. The stakes certainly seem world-spanningly high, and it may be my fault for having spaced these books out too broadly, but I have no idea what the prize is supposed to be, much less the win condition. It seems like I should, and it’s hard to look back and care very much while I don’t.

I’m kind of asking, in fact. Does anyone else read this series and know what the fight is actually for? I don’t want spoilers if I shouldn’t know yet (as of Leviathan), but a confirmation that someone else does know or an appropriate reminder if I should know myself, these would definitely not go amiss. It’s all the more frustrating because I appreciate what Carey is doing here, and I think he might have something profound on his hands, but right now it, whatever it is, is as adrift as I am.

[1] Perhaps someday we’ll find out if he has powers over the world as well because he himself is a character in a literary realm. That might be far too meta and self-aware of the story, but I haven’t made up my mind yet. Probably I won’t until it happens, and if it never happens, I’ll be stuck always wondering if that’s what I was supposed to believe.

Ultimates: Disassembled

I’m very nearly caught up on Ultimate Marvel comics again, after my year-long hiatus to read about a shepherd with a sword. Which is really good timing, because The Ultimates: Disassembled makes a good go at tying up every loose end that has dangled since the Ultimatum[1], not to mention a few from the Gah Lak Tus incursion. Plus, the Fantastic Four are finally reunited?!

Unfortunately, it cleans up those loose ends in such a way that I’m still not sure if what’s been going on with Quicksilver for the past three years or so has all been this, or different authors pulling him in different directions. (See, I was going to say, “If you want to know what’s been up with Quicksilver, here you go!” Only, I’m still not completely positive I do know.) If you want to see another convoluted time travel story involving Kang the Conqueror? Cool, here it is! If you care about the Infinity Gauntlet[2], this is where you’d find the Ultimate version!

What is fortunate is that this felt like a story instead of the series of tickboxes I complained about for the last Ultimates outing. An exciting story, with more than a dollop of consequences, and a big albeit possibly premature glimpse at the upcoming, what are they calling it this time, Cataclysm I think? I’ll definitely take that. But I am kind of sad at implications that my excellent character analysis of Ultimate Reed Richards (available upon request in comments, if I haven’t already told you it in some other written or aural format) may have just been undone. Thanks a lot, Kang.

[1] If there’s one thing that does make me happy about there being a new massive crossover event that will kill off half the populace or more all over again, it’s that I can at least start referring back to a new dividing line between “then” and “now”.
[2] Plausibly, I will someday care about this.

Seedling

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Assuming you haven’t been here long (and are unwilling to click through the Deathlands tag): post-apocalyptic 22nd Century gun porn with teleporters and whiffs of Seven Samurai, in episodic format, series approximately 100 books in length. Okay? Okay.

Since I’m still reading them, it’s probably time to stop being surprised by how compelling they are, or at least to stop mentioning it every time. The real problem is that without that or the setting summary, and without massive spoilers, it’s hard to say much of a much. Plausibly, I should not concern myself with spoilers regarding a 25 year old men’s adventure series that nobody besides me is going to read, but it’s hard to think that way. The result of all of this being, there’s maybe a sentence, tops, I can put together to explain any given book.

In the case of Seedling, Ryan Cawdor and company stumble out of the latest abandoned secret government teleport installation into uptown Manhattan (or technically probably Queens, but whatever), where they discover the biggest collection of pre-nuke hardware and memorabilia any of them have ever seen, an unexpected mutant army, the expected levels of treachery and general Deathlands deadliness[1], and a deviously clever use of the book’s title.

[1] After all, it’s not named that because you’d want to buy into the timeshare.[2]
[2] Okay, fine, two sentences. But only barely.

Hack/Slash/Eva: Monster’s Ball

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HACK_SLASH_EVA_MONSTERS_BALL_TRADE_PAPERBACKMonster’s Ball was refreshing in that it was an episodic slasher hunt without any accumulated baggage, exactly the kind of thing I’ve been asking for. It was problematic in that… well, see that “Eva” up there? Apparently this was a crossover between Cassie’s comic and Eva’s, who is a brunette hunter of monsters in tight, occasionally accidentally-revealing clothing accompanied by a hulking, inhuman, green-skinned monster[1]. I’m not precisely sure who is ripping off whom here, but clearly the creators must not mind so much, or else I doubt there would have been a crossover in the first place?

Also, it was less of a crossover and more of a boost for the Eva character, as far as I can tell. That is, it’s much harder to find any information about this person, despite the authorial duties coming from that direction, and also Cassie and Vlad were entirely guest stars in Eva’s enemy’s evil plot. Sure, some of Cassie’s old enemies made an appearance, but you could skip this and never know you’d missed anything, whereas even without knowing anything about Eva that I didn’t glean in this book, it’s obvious that her life altered significantly between the first and last pages of the story. So, cool I guess?

Even if other Eva collections existed (and they appear not to), I wouldn’t be seeking them out after this taste. Which probably tells you what you need to know.

[1] I mean, not the Hulk.

Ultimate X-Men: Natural Resources

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61Djh0nXhuL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_If there’s one thing you can take for granted in any Marvel universe, it’s that while the mutants may have good days, they never, ever have good years. With this knowledge in hand, it was easy to predict how Natural Resources was going to go. Well, that and the knowledge that Kitty Pryde’s deal with POTUS has recently become her deal with the previous POTUS. And that’s before you take into account her array of other oppositions, foreign and domestic.

As spoilery as that whole paragraph feels, it’s all based on what has gone before. I have sincerely said almost nothing about the actual book in question. On the one hand, it’s really cool to see all kinds of plots coming together. Perhaps by the time I get through the next few books (one already published, two more out within the month), there will be almost no dangling threads at all, and I won’t feel like I’m wandering around lost and/or forgetful?

Ha ha, turns out that’s not speculation. The fourth future book is yet another comics-shattering event, after which I can expect another rebranding[1] and another contraction of what is being published. Well, sort of a contraction. It’s three titles, but since there are only three titles now (not counting one-shots), this may not count as anything especially impressive? Perhaps the goal is to have fewer one-shots. Due to there being that upcoming comics-shattering event, I will not reveal which titles are expected, since probably everyone not in them will be dead soon? (I have no proof, but Ultimatum is persuasive evidence as to how these things go.)

[1] Ultimate Comics NOW! The exclamation mark was not added by me, to be clear. Nor were the caps.

Death Troopers

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DeathtroopersIf you’ve been saying to yourself (and who hasn’t?), “Man, I like the ninety or so Star Wars novels floating around out there, but why don’t any of them have zombies?”, then I am here to tell you that you’ve been ignoring Death Troopers, which has been sitting on my shelf for at least two years.

I’m supposed to be here to tell you more than that, you know? This was certainly a zombie book, in that it included a government conspiracy, a rampaging horde of dead people, plucky yet mostly doomed survivors, unpleasant trouble-making survivors, and multiple instances of chase scenes and grotesqueries. And it was certainly a Star Wars book, in that it included references to familiar types of aliens and droids, an evil Galactic Empire run by an asthmatic cyborg, and laser blasters instead of pistols and shotguns.

It was not, however, a particularly inspired version of either genre. In fact, it has just occurred to me, I did not at any point have a John Williams soundtrack thundering in my ears. So, wow. Probably worse than I thought.

Powers: Psychotic

At the end of the latest Powers collection, in time to commemorate the 50th issue of the comic that rounds out the book, there is an extensive interview with author Bendis and artist Mike Avon Oeming. It is sometimes funny, often insightful, and constantly vulgar in exactly the way you’d expect from a series that has prominently featured a monkey’s vagina, and I recommend it to anyone who is reading the series or is interested in the nuts and bolts of the modern (ie, the past decade or so) comics industry. But it also makes the point that Powers is a series which constantly re-invents itself. If I have not made this point myself over the previous eight reviews, I certainly should have.

Psychotic does not precisely mark a re-invention (as the plot is still firmly centered around the consequences of outlawing the use of superpowers), but it certainly picks up a new theme: cops who commit crimes, cops who shield those cops, and cops who work to prove the wrongs that were done by those cops. And of course it does this in ways you would not expect, because Bendis is good at what he does.

Mostly though, the book is a placeholder while we all wait for Deena Pilgrim’s evolving circumstances to settle into a dramatic revelation of some kind. I’m not saying I’ve been waiting forever to see how this turns out or anything, though it has been kind of a while. But the sudden steep jump in the stakes? Definitely dropped my patience level.

Also, I said something about contrasting Powers and The Boys, as their worlds are somewhat similar in scope? Well, maybe I only thought it. Either way, it’s impressive that the two books I’ve just read do share an overlapping type of event, and it’s even more impressive how, even though the one in Powers was objectively the worse on an ethical scale, it also resulted in my feeling no resentment for the character involved.

The Boys: The Innocents

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boys_vol_07I find that the triumph I should have felt at the second half of Ennis’ The Boys beginning with the plot turn I had been awaiting since pretty much the first book has turned to ashes in my mouth, since it simultaneously removed my empathy for usually likable lead Hughie, who was of course twice as likable for being based on Simon Pegg.

Since reviews should last longer than one sentence if you are not Mighty God King, I will add that despite my belief that any redemption from Hughie’s horrible actions will feel contrived or else insufficient, I’m going to continue with the series for a few reasons. There are still a handful of characters who I do not despise, and a handful more who I am interested in learning more about. Also, there’s something big brewing in the superhero sphere, and the plotting has been good enough so far that I could probably choke past my dislike of humanity’s erstwhile saviors to find out how the actual savioring works out.

Then again, I need to shop for and buy the remaining volumes, since my free supply has run out as of this one, so who knows what I’ll actually manage? Because, ashes, I tell you. Ashes.