Tag Archives: 3D

Resident Evil: Retribution

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I haven’t reviewed anything in like a month, which would be embarrassing enough in any event, but is possibly more embarrassing because of all the movies I’ve seen over that period. So, I guess it’s time to catch up?

The first thing I saw was in the dollar theater, since (for some inexplicable reason) the fifth Resident Evil movie did not stay in theaters for even a month. It’s almost like people think that series is trashy and has no staying power? I don’t buy that for a second, of course. Any movie that takes zombie ass-kicker Milla Jovovich and puts her in a clone-filled series of cityscapes in a secret base under the Arctic ice shelf[1] and makes her fight her way through zombies from half a dozen ethnicities, not to mention a skinless, brain-exposed[2] saber-toothed cat-looking thing and Michelle Rodriguez, can be described as a lot of things, none of them trashy nor lacking in rewatchability.

And now that all of you are (incorrectly!) backing away from your screens, shaking your heads in mute disbelief, I’ll go ahead and cut short the review, since it’s not like I’ll be able to add anything else convincing. But I should mention there are strong hints that the next sequel will also be the last[3]. I should also mention, in fairness to equal time, that the series has a hard time deciding how doomed humanity is at any given moment in the sequence of events. I mention this latter because it’s really the only major plot hole in an otherwise tightly plotted- …oh come on! Fine, I’m done.

Sheesh.

[1] I mean, maybe it was the Antarctic? But as I saw no giant flying zombie penguins… no, wait, those are in the Arctic circle, aren’t they? I’m so confused.
[2] Or maybe those are radar pods?
[3] To be fair, the film was in the can long before Star wars Episode VII was announced, so they may change their minds.

The Amazing Spider-Man

MV5BMjMyOTM4MDMxNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjIyNzExOA@@._V1__SX1859_SY893_I’ve been putting off my review of The Amazing Spider-Man, mostly because I wanted to watch it again before settling on an opinion. But I’m about to finish a book, and what if I see the Batman movie soon (or something else could happen, I reckon), so yeah, it has become time. Anyway, it’s not like I missed anything or was confused, I think maybe the problem I had was concern that I’m going to be too effusive, and I wanted to look for flaws that revealed themselves on a subsequent viewing.

It’s not that it was an amazing movie (despite the pun potential; it was certainly good), nor that the acting was incredible (though, y’know, it was good too) or that the plot was intricately mind-blowing. In fact, that right there is where I got all my happiness from. Because do you know what the plot was? A multi-issue comic book arc put to film. Not quite the density of a ’60s arc, modern sensibilities rule such things now, but it had all the aspects of those old books except foe-density. Solid measures of Peter’s personal life (after the origin had been settled[1]) interspersed with web-slinging and Lizard-punching, plus occasional glimpses at the forthcoming story arc, a panel here, another one there, just enough to make it clear this is an evolving world with a past and a future, whether we get to see them or not. I don’t think anyone else has made that movie. I mean, yes, the Avengers cycle hints at what happens next, but always as an after the credits teaser, not just matter-of-factly built into the script.

So that’s what made me like it so much. It wasn’t a perfect movie, but it may have been the most perfect translation of a superhero comic into a movie.

[1] So, if you want a flaw? That was a pretty huge flaw, bothering with the origin. I guess they had to if they wanted to explain to the broader public why his web spinners were mechanical instead of organic, but it was probably worth losing that nod to purity to make a movie that was leaner or that had time to work in a little bit more plot that wasn’t rehashed from only a decade ago. (Though I will admit Martin Sheen’s Uncle Ben was nearly as revolutionary to me as Bendis’ Aunt May has been.)

The Avengers (2012)

It’s been I suppose weeks since I actually saw The Avengers, which is as personally frustrating as it is lame. But the larger problem (even though I’ve seen it twice) is that it makes it hard to remember any specific discussion I may have wanted to engage. So, obviously it was good. You already know that because I saw it twice. (Savvy viewers may also have known it because of what a good job has been done with the various properties leading up to this moment, or because they’ve watched Joss Whedon’s writing/direction in other formats.)

But let’s say you’ve done none of those things, and now you’re wondering if you want to go see a movie in which the Norse god of mischief acts as a catspaw for an invading alien army bent on conquering the earth and also stealing a head-sized white cube filled with limitless cosmic power, and then a bunch of Marvel superheroes attempt to quip aside their differences and prevent this clearly bad outcome? The answer is yes, and here’s the reason why: even though it may not be the best plot you’ve ever seen, it is very probably the most comic-booky plot you’ve ever seen, and not only is the dialogue consistently great, but practically every moment (and 100% of the moments in the third act) were among the most fun I’ve had at the movies.

Put another way: would definitely watch a third time.

Hugo (2011)

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One of the cool things about Hugo (and believe me, there are many) is that it contains multitudes. It explores with uncomfortable realism how it would feel to be an orphan in 1930s Paris, forever doing the (apparently unpaid!) work of an adult, because to let it go undone is to be caught and exiled to the orphanage. It has the best use of 3D I’ve seen since My Bloody Valentine. It has one of my favorite character archetypes in fiction, the (in this case) girl who desperately wants adventure and has no idea what she’s letting herself in for. It has all kinds of foreshadowing, frequently in multiple layers. It tells a lot of the different stories swirling around Hugo, not just his own one. It has a robot! It is one of the funniest non-comedies I’ve seen in a long time, and while it’s not a “kid’s movie that is great for adults too lol!”, it is almost certainly a movie you could take your kids to, if you care about that kind of thing.

Most of all, permeating every other aspect of the movie (even if it’s not obvious at first), it is Martin Scorsese’s love letter to the art of cinema. And it’s a damned good one.

Also… that girl Isabel was both the second main character in Let Me In and the girl hero in Kick-Ass? Damn.

Immortals

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Later, I saw the big 3D event movie of the season, which balanced its time between being in your face with 3D actiony combat (not ever over the top, though …well, I mean, the 3D wasn’t; the action very explicitly was, over and over again) and feeling very naturalistic, enough that I had to pause and think about whether there was a 3D image in front of me. Not unlike real life, you understand. So that’s probably good, right? Or I’m jaded, like I said earlier. Definitely one of those.

Immortals pits Theseus against rampaging conqueror Mickey Rourke, in the hopes that he can stop Mickey from unleashing the titans who would then destroy humanity and the gods alike. (They are grumpy for having been trapped all this time, you know?) Normally, the gods would just smack Mickey down like they used to do, but apparently somewhere along the way hubris became more socially acceptable or else the gods learned about the Prime Directive. So it’s up to Theseus and his plucky peasant know-how and his tragic, revenge-inducing backstory to save the day. Of course he’ll be assisted by a number of rapidly dying allies and Sexina the Oracle, because this is after all a Greek mythological quest movie, and that is how they roll. To preserve an air of mystery, I will not spoil the presence or absence of a minotaur somewhere along the way.

But seriously, everything is pretty (though perhaps a little monochromatic) and lushly over the top, like a peach that’s just gone overripe and this is more bad than good, except without the sexual connotations of that particular metaphor. If you like things that are Greek or things that make limbs roll or things that make heads explode, either watch this one, or travel 18 months along the timeline and watch the next / previous one, because really, this is the kind of movie that comes along once in a lifetime. If you are a betta.

A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

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I saw a couple of 3D movies over the course of my weekend, and I’m coming to the conclusion that they need to reduce the markup. It’s not that I have the thing where it looks bad to me that so many people seem to have, it looks fine. But the thing is… it looks fine. It looks normal. I am perhaps jaded? But I sometimes have to pause and remember that what I’m watching is actually 3D, except for the times when they are going out of their way to make it obvious. On the bright side(?), the latest Harold & Kumar sequel went so far out of its way that it might have come all the way around to accidental 3D hyperbole.

As far as the flick itself, you know what you expect from the boys at this point, I reckon. But, in case, here is what you should expect: Cheech & Chong for the new millennium, complete with gratuitous T&A, more drug use than you can shake a stick at, random violence, and an outsized version of Neil Patrick Harris. And of course we get all of these things in abundance, plus they… well, they don’t learn the true meaning of Christmas, but they do learn a valuable lesson about friendship, family, and responsibility. Honestly, the presentation is a lot better than that sounds, but then again, it would be. The people behind this movie grew up with afterschool specials, of course they’re going to subvert them in entertaining ways!

As far as the Christmas theme? It’s still not as good as National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, because, how? But it’s the only other Christmas-themed entry in an ongoing series of movies that I would bother to recommend to people. Probably because of how irrelevant Christmas-as-a-theme really was in the scheme of things; it was setting, at best. So no worries on that account. And anyway, there’s a WaffleBot, which would be worth the rest of the movie all by itself, probably even if it had felt cloyingly Christmasy.

Shark Night 3D

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When[1] you watched Snakes on a Plane, did you catch yourself thinking, man, this movie is perfect, but I wish it didn’t have one of the coolest people on earth in the lead role, because, you know, that is just way too cool, for this movie. And also, maybe, I don’t care if it’s this specific title, it could Spiders in a Barn or Badgers on an Easement or Sharks in a Lake, whatever, just give me my monsters and tell me where they’ll be! And perhaps you also thought, wait, I don’t understand why there was thoroughly gratuitous nudity in this movie, I’d rather watch a movie where it would make sense at several moments throughout to script to have naked college students but then keep them essentially clothed instead, just to completely invert the paradigm.

If so? It’s pretty sweet to know that someone intimately involved with the creation of Shark Night 3D reads these reviews, because there can’t be very many people in the world with that thought process, for it to have taken 5 years to create this particular cinematic gem. The plot doesn’t make a lick of sense, though at least several of the character motivations do. My favorite part of the movie is when the main chick character tells the main guy character a story about how her ex-boyfriend tried to murder her, only she didn’t notice that it was attempted murder, and she still hasn’t noticed it as she’s telling the story, and the guy listening to the story doesn’t notice either. …and then the film goes on to never actually admit it at any later point, too, even though it also doesn’t explicitly deny it in a shocking twist where Sara is in fact the Shark Queen or something and has set up the whole situation to feed her children.

Y’know, come to think of it, that would have been pretty bad-ass. But this movie was okay too. Incidentally, the most shocking and horrifying moment of the film follows the credits, in case you were considering taking it in at this late date.

[1] Yes. When you watched it. Not if. Don’t make me come over there.

Final Destination 5

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The Final Destination series is in its own way every bit as comfortably broken in as Friday the 13th was by this point in the ’80s (which is to say, apparently, 1991); I know all the rules, better than the characters do, and even though of course there are new twists and turns, there is a fair amount of comfort in being able to settle back and enjoy the upcoming squirm-fest unencumbered by analysis about how things may or may not work. Is there more to say about Final Destination 5?

Nah, I guess not.

Captain America: The First Avenger

[1] You know what made this movie better than it had any right to be? It was the Captain America they wrote into it. I know that sounds painfully trite, but stay with me for a second here. I’ve read the ultra-patriotic Captain America of the 1950s[2], the reflective, uncertain, self-consciously apolitical Captain of the 1970s, and the hyper-capable, overly superior (in thought, word, and deed) Ultimate Captain of this past decade. There are things to like and dislike about each of them, but none of them made it into the movie. This guy, from his abortive attempts to enlist during World War II as an asthmatic, archetypal 98-pound weakling through his confrontation with the chillingly and somehow never cartoonishly villainous Red Skull, and at every moment in between, is just an all around average joe who happens to be the nicest guy you’d ever want to meet. That he’s brave, intelligent, and acquires super-powers is almost beside the point. The heroism, explosions, and cool stunts were certainly worthwhile too, don’t get me wrong. But mainly, it’s how damn likable Steve Rogers is that carried me through the movie. Everyone has shades of grey these days, and they should, because that’s the real world. But it’s refreshing to know that sometimes the good guy really can just be, y’know, the best guy.

It’s not fair to compare him with the Captain America who was frozen in the Arctic Circle for a variable number of decades since World War II and wakes up with his whole life left behind him in the blink of an eye. Of course that guy is going to have a harder time of it than the one who asked for a chance to fight and was given everything. But it really is going to be hard to go back to angsty and/or superior Cap after liking this one so very, very much.

[1] Just to get it out of the way, my intent was not to see the movie in 3D, but events conspired against me. It’s, y’know, fine?
[2] This is true from a certain point of view, at least.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

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Giant robots? Explosions? Random people yelling “Optimus!” at regular intervals? Yep, it’s a valid live-action Transformers movie. I don’t want to say a lot about it, partly because we both know there’s not a lot to say, and partly because it doesn’t seem right to accidentally give away what threadbare moments of plot exist. But I was definitely impressed by the extent as well as the quality of the extended cast, I dug the new girlfriend (though I wish she’d had more to do besides look pretty and be in danger, but, y’know, Michael Bay), and I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of racist, moronic robots as “comedy relief”.

I can’t decide if it’s worth mentioning that the plot had a massive, glaring flaw or not. (‘Cause, again, Michael Bay. Right?) And despite how (glaring plot flaw aside) it was a largely good popcorn flick, I still don’t think I’ll ever get over the first impression I had, when I was watching an incredible sci-fi movie preview about how the moon landing was a cover-up for our exploration of a crashed alien spacecraft, and I really wanted to see what would happen next. And then what happened next was Transformers 3 instead of something new, gorgeous, and possibly amazing. Dark of the Moon was funny, cool, and chock full of exploding robots, and, okay, it was gorgeous; but it was by no means amazing, much less new.