What can I say about The Back Lot Murders? Well, for one thing, it has Corey Haim’s finest performance since… uh…. Dream a Little Dream 2? Yup, that’s right, he lights up the screen as the blue-haired drummer of a band on the verge of making it big, now that they’ve cut loose their songwriter, who combined the band’s only source of talent with anger management issues the size of that stack of million CDs required to go golden. (I know I’m reaching. You would be too. This thing was awful.)

Well, okay, lights up the screen is an exaggeration, since I couldn’t even tell it was him, and once I did pick him out, it was obvious that he was slumming all the way. And why shouldn’t he? You’ve got a group of talentless hacks recording a music video on the Universal backlot, in order to tie in to the success cash cow that was (no lie, here) Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World. The only problem (other than that pesky lack of anything resembling talent; seriously, they could have dubbed *some* local LA band that’s good but starving. They exist.) is the mysterious masked killer wandering the lot slaughtering crew, topless groupies, and eventually the band.

Yeah, that’s pretty much all you need to know to make up your mind. Obviously, I bought it on first sight in the Fry’s horror section a few months ago, and with slightly less info. (Well, I couldn’t possibly have guessed just how bad the music would be, could I?)