One of the things I like best about horror movies is how there are no surprises. I mean, there are, obviously, but they’re all of the shocking, jumpy, and/or dramatic reveal types. There are no archetypal surprises, though. The story goes exactly the way you expect it to, and the characters act exactly the way you expect them to. Take Sorority Row. If you know the title and that it’s a horror movie, there are immediate expectations set up in your mind. There will be a bevy of attractive, sexually permissive, emotionally distant sorority chicks, at least most of whom have distasteful personalities predicated upon their innate senses of superiority over the common throng of humanity. And through some slight, real or perceived, they (and their similarly described boyfriends) will “earn” a series of brutal murders. All that, just from title plus genre.

The reason I’m okay with this is that it leaves the slate clean for the important parts of the movie. Like, how will someone die next, and who will it be? Who is the killer? Is it a g-g-g-g-ghost? Or someone with more plausible motivation? Will the movie take itself seriously and therefore be bad? Will it take itself seriously and be so bad that it’s entertaining on those very grounds? Or will it not take itself seriously and instead be equal parts ridiculous and awesome within its self-awareness?[1] Most importantly, will Carrie Fisher kick some ass?

These questions, you can clearly see, are far more interesting than the ones raised by mainstream movies. Which of these characters should I care the most about? Where is this storyline going? Who has secret tragic cancer that will be revealed in the second act? That shit simply doesn’t rate, is all I’m saying.

[1] It’s this one.