Horror movie sequels are never necessary. You have to understand that before anything else. They are never, ever based on anything other than sheer whim. (Well, maybe except for Halloween II, which is why it’s one of the best sequels out there.) So when a review tries to explain that some sequel is unnecessary, this simply shows that they have no understanding of the genre and should be ignored. Did yet another remake of a horror movie from the 70s need a sequel, then? Of course not. Neither did the original movie need a sequel. Most likely, this one was better than that one, so that’s already kind of good news, right?

Anyway, The Hills Have Eyes II is just such a movie. Apparently, the military came in after the events of the first movie to clean out the eponymous hills, under the theories that we wanted some privacy over there and anyway there’s a carrot shortage being linked to the region. Except, of course, that eyes in hills are far cleverer than military dudes and ladies, so the first wave of scientists and techs and army guys get wiped out, just in time for a misfit band of National Guardspeople to arrive and initially miss all the classic signs of an old-fashioned Charlie-Foxtrot. About three deaths later, we are able to start identifying our cardboard characters. There’s Hero-Guy, bravely accompanied by Hero-Girl. There’s Slightly Insane Guy (Hispanic Edition), who can be counted upon to keep doing the wrong thing over and over again. There’s Black Guy, who is awesome in every way and by rights should share the Hero Guy title, except he’s black and in a horror movie, and will instead die dramatically and/or nobly. And because it’s a mutant movie, there’s Victim Chick. Normally she would just be a faceless casualty, but in this kind of movie, she has to serve double duty by being actively and unpleasantly victimized by the mutant guys, who are not able to get girls through match.com like normal people.

Still, it was a pretty good sequel. For one thing, no stupid message getting in the way of the carnage. Also, the climactic scene included badassery rarely seen from a horror movie chick who is not played by Sigourney Weaver. Mostly there’s nothing to recommend it, though. I mean, it was a grotesque horror movie and I liked it, but unless you thought there was a chance you’d like it when you first heard it existed, you probably will not. (In the unlikely event that you did think there was a chance, well, nothing I can see to talk you out of it. It was pretty good, like I said.)