The Scream movies have always been extremely meta. So by the time you’ve gotten to the sequel of the reboot sequel (requel, apparently?), well, there’s no way to be surprised at just how far up its own ass the movie, nay, the franchise, has crawled. Which, I hasten to clarify, is not necessarily a bad thing. I, for example, am still not allergic to the tightening gyre of Gen-X self-reflection, nor will I judge harshly any movie that stabs quite so many people quite so many times.

There’s just one problem with Scream VI, which I must unfortunately put underneath the spoiler tag.

Seriously, the only way to explain this is to go all the way into downtown Spoilerville, so, last chance to look away.

The movie has lost the courage of the franchise’s convictions. The beauty of the movies, all throughout, has been that nobody has plot armor. In true drive-in horror movie fashion, anybody can die at any moment[1]. And then, after doubling down on that truism in the obligatory meta-commentary scene about what it means to be a character in a horror movie franchise, it just….fizzled. I think maybe two people died? And it took me a while to remember the second one.

Okay, that’s not entirely true, a lot of ancillary characters died before the opening credits rolled. But by the time we were supposed to care about anyone at all, i really do think exactly two people bit it. Because, apparently, everyone else is too precious to die. No, wait, three people! But the third one did not, as far as I know, have an actual name[2] or a second scene in which they were not about to be butchered, so.

In conclusion, I am legitimately disappointed by this movie. Even though it was otherwise[3] pretty good!

[1] if you know who I’m quoting, and I think you do.
[2] as opposed to a role, ie romantic interest of Character X
[3] Contained plot, dialogue, casting, gore, etc.